...for those who may care...

as some but not many may have noticed, I've been absent for quite some time. this is due to many issues in my home life, the very biggest being the loss of my home. many of you don't really know a lot about me, and for anyone who cares, read on...if you don't want another tale of woe, just go on and delete this journal...I feel that many do anyway and that my words get lost in cyber-space...any who, on with my story...

About 5 or so years ago my mom and real dad divorced, big shocker, most couples do these days. its what my biological father did that made it completely horrid. I won't go into detail about the divorce, lets just say it was messy and drawn out, he "still loved" my mother but was overheard by my youngest sister as saying that he wanted to kill my mother. (Guess it was a ous love?) Anyway, he moved out after much yelling, threats and arguments. Things had never been financially stable anyway, and with him gone things got worse, but they weren't too bad. My sisters and I got on free and reduced lunches and such and school and dad paid child support like a good person should. Fast forward now through the years and come up to about, oh...a year or so ago...in the divorce agreement my dad was ordered to pay the house payment for two years...so he did...more often than not late, but it was paid. Mom and us s and Doug (mom's then boyfriend, now husband) had no idea that he was having such problems...on the day his two years of payment were up, he filed for bankruptcy... and included his mortgage to the house and land...but he didn't tell us...he didn't allow the mortgage company to accept payments from mom and Doug, he didn't allow the mortgage company to even speak to mom about the account...in effect he blocked any and every attempt at saving the house that mom could think of...and he did this to hurt my mom...he knew how much that house meant to her...she helped to build the house, and my grandparents ashes are spread under an old oak in the back yard...this place was tied up in my soul...and now, thanks to him my family is pretty much homeless. We are considered "squatters" in our own home. Now, this home has no heat...no electricity...and the check from the one place that can help us is being sent Thursday...when we thought it was being sent last Friday...I know many of you don't care, but this whole situation is making me sick, and I just...I just felt I had to share my story...even if it does get lost in the expanse of the internet....there's ten million details that I've left out...but I dunno, I guess I hoped that someone would read it..and maybe, just maybe, keep my family and me in their prayers...or in their thoughts, anything really...and I wanted to let you guys who actually care know why I'm not on here...why I'm gone...why my horrid snapshots I try to pass off as photos are not longer being uploaded...I've reached the point where everything completely and totally sucks...my one comfort is that I have a job, and that it pays for barn rent and feed. I now only live for my horses...I've no home...in essence, I am homeless...so, goodbye for at least a little while, thanks for reading and please, think of me...I guess the one bright spot is that it's no longer winter....

oh, and I've got a question, its bothered me the whole time we've been going through this, my mom was the deed holder to the land, the mortgage people said she had no rights...I guess, I mean, the land is hers, how could it have been sold when it was no longer in my dad's name? I mean, come on, why can't people help families like mine? but noo, its just take take take...(I'll not write the not so loverly words that want to spew from my mouth....) any way, if ya'all read that, thank you for listening to me...I'm just...I'm friggin' depressed and I've no idea what to do about it...anyway now I'm going to go and finish my resume...I'm applying to be a trail guide at a local trail riding place thing here...could be fun I guess...any way, later and sorry for this...I just needed to explode...I'm going to leave, I'm getting odd looks from people...they don't know why I cried a little...

amber-dawn